Embracing imperfection... discovering possibilities

Lots of and lots of tedious work

The kids had four days off from school... closed due to ice on Friday, and snow on Monday. I did begin my hallway project, but my progress has been slower than expected. Partly due to the children being home, and a lot to do with the fact that we live in 108 year old house. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, is ever easy here. No two walls are the same size, and a wall that looks perfectly fine literally crumbles when you approach it with sand paper... as if to say 'leave me alone'. The good news... this provided me with an opportunity to repair some good sized holes (2' x 2' ish). And now I know I can do it... one layer at a time... and this makes other jobs around the house seem totally approachable. We have previously hired our friend in to this... he's a master... he makes work look like art. But he's pricey, and his services are really outside of our budget right now. He did come to help us get passed some trouble spots in the girls room... and Mark finally finished prepping those walls this weekend, so they are ready for primer! I'm priming the hall now, but still need to sand some trim and our stair rail... as I've decided to paint that, too. We ordered some new balusters, too... and I'm anxious to see it all come together!

To be free

Today I am feeling so overwhelmed, in that our house is in serious need of a deep clean, repair and paint. I always have said (since having children) that I manage to get through the first layer, but rarely the second. Today I was scrubbing a door casing in the kitchen, and before you knew it, I was following a trail of dirt and crayon that is seemingly un-ending. And that doesn't even begin to address all the wood trim that is in serious need of paint. Walls, too, for that matter. It's enough to make my head crack open... you know, to allow my brain to bounce from floor to ceiling and back again... a hundred times.

And the theme of Sarah Bowen's week two Best Me challenge is {Free Yourself}. How timely! Honestly since she'd posted it, I'd been thinking real hard... what is that one simple thing I can do to free myself? And today, it's so obvious. Now I know... deep cleaning, repairing and painting an entire house (practically) is NOT so simple, but I've got to approach this with baby steps (or the brain will bounce). So tomorrow, I'm heading to the Home Depot, to pick up some paint... some for the girls room, and some for the hallway (which includes the stairway). My plan this weekend... to begin a project... and just knowing that the process has begun and will get done... that's pretty freeing.

Just one of those days...

Today we woke up just 15 minutes before the kids were to leave for school. The alarm clock didn't go off as scheduled. And yes, it was set properly... it's just old and obviously in need of replacement. Of course, Chloe's soaking it with orange juice a week ago might have been its doom. So waking up felt a little bit like the McCallisters' waking up moments before their flight was to leave (oh how I love those two movies... Home Alone I and II). I am proud to say that we had both kids up, dressed, fed, teeth brushed and snacks packed 5 minutes in advance of school starting. Quite the team we are! Thankfully, we live just a couple of minutes from school (and thankfully, their morning driver, is patient... thanks Jen). It unfortunately didn't stop there.

Aura. That is what I get prior to a migraine, and this one told me it was going to be bad. And I neglected to order in a refill ahead of time, so I have suffered all day. Heading to the pharmacy in the morning. The pharmacy in town (also, the scrapbook store- no kidding!), closed at 6:00.

More?! Oh yes, there is MORE! Mark heads for a shower this morning and realizes there is no hot water. Verdict... our hot water heater died. Quote from Suburban Propane... $1818! Oh sure, here you go! (if only). Hours later, many phone calls, a little help from the bank, and more help from a friend in the business... we've a brand spankin' new tank... and it sits in our garage. Working with a friend, and putting my man to work is going to save us about $800, money best spent on heating oil these days. Thankfully, we've lots of family close by, so showers over the weekend are possible! But Monday... when the gas is hooked up, I am taking a hot bath!

You want to know what makes days like these easier? Chloe was laying on the floor drawing last night while I cooked dinner. She will be 2 1/2 in exactly one week. I just adore these sketches... they are so whimsical... like little cute monsters! Amazing that some of them are the size of a dime (hard to see here in the image, I know). I just kept saying... 'Chloe, these are SO amazing!'. And now whenever she draws a pictures (these have obviously become her favorite), she comes running to show me her 'MAZING' picture. Really, it's simple things like this that make a crazy day all right. The other night, a good portion of the town lost power. That is so creepy... to have to feel your way around the house, and to be running into things everywhere, and to feel panic when you realize your smallest is terrified at the top of the stairs, and if she takes just one tiny step, she may very well fall. I managed to get to her, and then to a little portable light we have so that I could see to light candles. The kids proceeded to engage in a discussion about fire, and I heard Mikaela say "if there was a fire, I would try to help Chloe and (our friend who lives here and is developmentally disabled) out of the house first". I swear I felt my heart expand. That girl has so much compassion, and it just meant so much that she thought first to help the two most vulnerable people in our home. Sam said he'd save the cat, and believe me, he would. He loves that old kitty of mine (she's 20). He makes beds for her all over the house. Love him, that Sam!

The best me

As mentioned, I am participating in Sarah Bowen's 2008 Best Me Challenge, and this weeks challenge is to make a list of 5 (small) things that you want to do this week FOR YOU, and DO THEM.

So here you have, my fab five:

1. Reach out to Shannon

(Shannon is battling Huntington's Disease, a genetic terminal and neurological disease. My relationship with Shannon began many years ago. It was special and I treasured her friendship. Soon after she married (I was in her wedding), she and her husband moved up north and the distance became an enemy of sorts. In the everyday hustle and bustle of life, it's easy to let go of or to not take good care of certain things... and I regret my friendship with Shannon to be one of those things. I've been a terrible friend, and this has weighed heavily on my mind for some time now. I didn't even have the courage to respond to the letter she wrote me, disclosing the results of the test she'd elected to not have... until the tell tale signs were acknowledged. I feel shame, and fear consequence... will she forgive me, will I have the opportunity to right this wrong? One thing is for certain. Today I can make an effort, to at least try. Tomorrow that opportunity may no longer exist.  Shannon is one of the bravest souls I know, truly. And here I am, weak with courage? Today is the day to change that.

2. Catch up with my old friend Trish, via the email address she included in this years Christmas card.

3. Read some more of Bryan Peterson's, Understanding Exposure. 

4. Call my primary care physician to discuss the current methods of treatment for my migraines and the PMDD, and some possible alternatives to those two treatments.

5. Take a warm bath, in peace.   

Thirty five

1. Reach out to old friends... most importantly, Shannon.

2. Spend some time in the kitchen with my grandmother.

3. Go deep sea fishing with Mark.

4. Purchase an indoor plant.

5. Compile my favorite recipes and create something to store them in.

6. Make a stuffed toy.

7. Build on my photography skills.

8. Build a business and establish a means of supplementing our income. 

9. Read a book to Chloe, everyday.

10. Create in advance of summer, an album where I can document the everyday activities and moments of our summer by easily adding pictures and/or journaling.

11. Create in advance of December, an album where I can document the everyday activities and moments of our Christmas together, by easily adding pictures/or journaling.

12. Knit... or to give it a try at least.

13. Spend some time perusing garage sales, flea markets, antique and re-sale shops... for inspiration and things I love.

14. Establish a solution for storage of digital photos, where photos will remain safe.

15. Refinish a piece of furniture.

16. Create some wall art for our home.

17. Complete the renovation of the girls room, Sam's room, and our livingroom.

18. Give the first floor rooms a face lift (paint).

19. Learn to play a guitar.

20. Paint a picture.

21. 1:1 time, each child, once a month.

22. Find opportunities to go to the movies, and more, with HG.

23. Spend some time in Maine.

24. Pick fresh fruit, and make something yummy with it!

25. Teach Mikaela to sew.

26. Deliver a random act of kindness, once a month.

27. Be a better friend.

28. Love unconditionally.

29. Remain conscious of my weakness'.

30. Nurture my spirituality, and support Mikaela's interest in religion.

31. Work to better manage our finances. 

32. Enjoy more 1:1 time with my husband.

33. Go horseback riding.

34. Spend a weekend with Clarissa, crafting like crazy.

35. Sew something fun (un-related to scrapbooking).   

Resolutions

At twelve o'clock midnight, I could have been found ringing in the New Year with family & friends, huddled around a campfire at our familiar stomping grounds... the Crown Point Campground in Proctorsville, VT. It's been our tradition for the last three years to spend our New Years Eve here, and we always look forward to it. The experience is truly the complete opposite of our summer camping experiences... most noticeable, the snow capped pines (soooo beautiful), slippery surfaces, and frigid temperatures. To be honest, we were gifted with warmer airs this year, a peace offering of sorts as we were to receive a fair amount of snow on January 1st! We have received so much snow this year. And while I appreciate it's place in our Vermont economy, and its freshly fallen beauty... I can't deny that I really do prefer the warmer New England months to these cold ones. Oh spring, how I already hunger for you. I did though, REALLY enjoy the snowmobile ride on New Years Eve! We ran on VAST Trails, trails right under my nose that I'd never even knew existed. The idea of being able to ride from southern Vermont straight to Canada on a snowmobile is really pretty amazing! Thanks Doug, for the sled ride!

You know, I really appreciate New Years in that it provides us with a seemingly formal opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. I like that. I've never really been one to make resolutions, and I think it was because I always just assumed that a resolution needed to be something grand (like losing 50 pounds). Fear of failure, I guess. I'm realizing now that a resolution can be something as simple as painting a picture. In February I will turn 35. And this has me thinking more this year than ever about resolutions... how is it that I want to spend the last half of my thirties. That said, I'm finishing up a list of 35 things that I resolve to accomplish or work on over the course of 2008. I will share them here soon enough! And as a means of staying true to my goals, I am (for both fun and accountability) participating in Sarah Bowen's Best Me Challenge. This stuff is just good for the soul... you should give it a try!

Christmas 2007

Did you enjoy the holidays? I sure hope so. I found myself more inspired this Christmas season, than any previous season that I can remember, and I have many to credit for that. To name a few... Ali Edwards, Alicia Paulson, and Rebecca Sower. I made pretty cookies (and then accidentally deleted the images of them that I'd planned to share here!), slowly wrapped every gift... a Christmas chore I've always savored, and most importantly just really tried to be present in the moment. That is sometimes difficult, as holidays are notorious for reminding us of unresolved family conflicts, mistakes, and weakness. But I did it. I shut down the craziness and really felt present in enjoying the intended spirit of the season. And for that I am happy. We spent our Christmas Eve at the in-laws with family and friends. I love to see the kids all dressed up in their coordinating outfits... soooo cute! We got to spend some time on Christmas Eve with my step-daughter, and I know that this especially meant so much to Mikaela and Sam. I'm so glad that they had been provided with this opportunity (thank you, Mark). Mikaela & Samuel woke at 5:00 on the morning of Christmas. They are NOT typically known to rise early. Mark asked them why they were up so early and Mikaela said "I feel like I've been sleeping for 7 days, 7 hours and 7 minutes!". Hard not to laugh over that one! We were able to get them to lay back down with a movie (they fell back asleep), as Chloe was no where near ready to get up. A little after 8:00, paper was flying, and Chloe was repeatedly asking for help as her momma didn't have the heart (or courtesy) to not fancy her packages up with ribbon. Mikaela LOVES her pink guitar, and her new Hello Kitty sewing machine (how freakin' cute is THAT!). Sam was crazy over his r/c 4x4 and has yet another race track (I think he has four now... he is car crazy, that boy!). And Chloe, well it's all about the babies. She loves baby dolls more than any other 2 year old I've met (and I love that about her). My step-son arrived Christmas morning, and spent the day with us... always a good thing. The day ended with Christmas dinner at home (I love that). I'm really looking forward to Christmas of 2008 (I can't believe I just said that!). I just have so many things I want to do... special things in the way of decorating, gift giving and memory making. I'm grateful for the 11 months I have left to prepare for it!